keycardhole

There are at least three newspapers on my table, next to my third cup of coffee. The rain outside is telling me to stay inside. My cat agrees.

-It's wet outside, I'm staying in today, he says.

I nod.

A friend of mine said something in the likes of Adam Driver being an overexposed actor. He's in every movie. That was a while back, though.

In an Actors Roundtable video on YouTube, Adam Driver says something interesting:

It's not your job [as an actor] to feel anything. It's the audiences job. (...) You want to feel something (...) but it's not really my responsibility to feel something; it's to telegraph that something is being felt. (...)

I often start writing before the act of writing. I think of something, maybe in the car, maybe while jogging or walking or shopping, whatever. And then I think: I better write this down. More often than not what I'm writing is shit. That isn't to say that I feel shit. I just can't find my way of conveying the feeling(s) I have.

Other times I don't write at all – because I'm not feeling it. Maybe that's just laziness, some bad excuse. I think Adam Driver is right. It's not always my job to feel. The job is to convey that something is being felt. Like in a story, or whatever.

I'm getting older. I'm not sure I even care. I do feel. I do care. I'm just not sure this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

You should check out the video, though! ,

I think I'm only doing this because of smotlock, or maybe because of Joan Didion. I'm not exactly sure. There was this word: tarmac. I wrote it down. Tarmac. I haven't looked it up yet. It's got something to do with airports.

Was it back in the late 90s or was it early 00s? Journalspace was my home. Well, one of many homes. I had three homes, I believe. My parents' place, where I lived. EFNet (IRC) where I idled less than I chatted. And Journalspace, where I wrote some shit.

One of my heroes on Journalspace was smotlock. Where is he now?

Now I'm 43 and I idle on EFNet, mostly in #lalaland

My dream was to become an IRCOp. And now I am. On my own server that I set up on my Raspberry PI. What a joke.

Oh, and I have a wife and two kids and a cat too.